gays adult

ive been a fuck up, an its on the verge of costing me the most precious thing in my life.

im goin sober for good this time, an i know its gonna be hard for me. i need all yalls good vibes energy an prayers.

i fucked up,, an i gotta make ammends.

thanks.
love n light
Hope you have the insperation needed to stay sober…. stay strong Bro
you old asshole- i’m sending you all the love and positive energy I have in me. that babylonian water can be some evil shit for most of us, i’m here for ya old man, pm me if you need a shoulder.

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Love and light ~Rob
i’m sending you the most positive vibes, stay strong brother!
bro ya totaly got me behind ya
pm me for my # if ya want
ya got family behind ya
just if your tempted reach out BEFORE ya reach for that 1st sip
Good healing vibes & prayers goin out for ya HHB!!! You can do it Bro!!!!!
Just remember one thing, You DONT have permission to drink, at all, ever, for any reason, period. Just keep telling yourself that. Its worked for me for 5 years now. Quit cigs 3 years ago too. Feels great to be rid of those demons. And you’ll feel better too. Peace Brother.
Sometimes a little change of scenery helps. Come visit. Steve is 6 months sobor and LOVIN’ it. We’re with ya in spirit.
All my love your way. May the light inside burn bright, I know you are strong.
Consider a sobriety song… music can be a deity if you have no belief in a god to turn to in a 12-step. A song is designed to be more powerful than our bodies and souls. A song is designed to be personal. And designed to be for your personal use. For me it was Bowie’s "Ashes to Ashes." I couldn’t possibly explain why without sounding completely deranged. I’m not even a huge Bowie fan, but it was my song of resistance, health, and personal forgiveness for my selfish acts.

Sleep, read, sleep, do your time, read, sleep, do your time, suffer your time, wait out your sentence, every day is a little easier. No need to count the days… I’d be hard-pressed to tell you what year I got clean. Or what decade, come to think about it…

Do your time. You’ll thank heavens you did. There’s no hurt like that hurt inside that you supress as you say to yourself those cursed fucking words you no doubt know so well: "FUCK IT."

Yeah and then when it’s getting better it will come to you in dreams… you’ll dream of the magic stash in the imaginary world where it really does no harm. Wake up feeling relief that it was just a dream.

I will never take responsibility for anyone else, but if you need someone to talk to, pm me and I’ll give you my cell phone number. I’ve seen your posts here for years. Your golden years are ahead of you, not behind, and never gone brother.

Sorry to sound like a "know it all." I hope that’s not how this comes out, I don’t rehearse these speeches. And my abuse problem was not serious by the standards of some, though I was a mess… But I know that my first step in recovery was admitting it to my friends in "hippy chat" right here on this site. The help and support may have saved my life. It was just one step in many, but the earliest steps are the most vital.
good vibes comin your way stay stong i know its hard but we’re all behind you 100%
Yes, you will be in my thoughts, Hillbilly…sending you good energy for strength and determination…
loving ya hillbilly, sending ya them good ol loving vibes
all i can say is thank you all..
its been about 48 hours,, i havent slept or ate, i am mentally an physically trashed.. an on top of that the love of my life,, the most precious thing in this world to me has made it clear she dont think i can do it by dissapeering outta a greyhound bus station..

im doin this for good.. im gettin my life partner back..

thank you all for your support .
Oh i hope you do!!!!! Hang in there, i know you can do it. Good luck darling!!!
sending peace love and strength!

hang in there brother, just know that we believe in you, she’ll come around, just gotta show her you mean business! We love you.

Love and light ~Rob
Good luck HHB. Seriously, Im very sorry to hear your down. I hope this works out for you, I think your a great person
You can do it old goat. I ain’t been drinking for awhiles now too. It’s just something you decide, and you done decided. My thoughts and good vibes are with you brother.
Good luck brother… I doubt I’ve ever been exactly where you are so I don’t want to say I can speak from experience, but let me say I have a really addictive personality… I’ve been a binge eater all my life, had various periods of too much drug and drink, and if there is one thing I have figured out, it’s that you have to get to the point where YOU ACTUALLY DO NOT WANT TO DRINK/SMOKE/EAT/WHATEVER… as long as you WANT to drink but you are simply not doing it, you are fucked… but when you get to the point where you seriously do not care anymore, you think to yourself "I’ve been down that road before, and it leads nowhere good and gives me nothing special" and you really truly do not even want to drink because you are satisfied JUST TO BE ALIVE without that cheap, shallow sensual gratification of the booze… then you are on the right path… so find that passion, start that band or start writing that book or whatever it is that will make you feel good, and go with it full blast. Find God, find peace in your relationships… then you won’t even give a crap about drinking because you will be so busy living and loving each moment of your life that you won’t need that extra little bit of gluttony to be happy.
If you can get to the point where you never want to drink again, and it doesn’t take you 20 years to get to that point, you may not have been an alcoholic. Speaking from experience, I would love to get drunk every weekend or maybe several times a week. In the absence of work and family relations and hangovers and money spent and health issues, it would be lovely. However, there comes a point when you do realize that it’s not worth it. Cravings continue to happen and some of us just don’t feel human without a couple beers in us, that takes a long time to go away. I am tempted all the time, but we know the price we’d pay if we went down that road. That’s why we have each other, to remind us of what it was like when we didn’t give a shit, and to let each other know that our addiction doesn’t control us, we control it.
well good luck hippy …..i have gone a full 24 minits since i medicated myself …..im dreaming of worldwide general strikes andbloody revolutions in which millions of people of wealth n power and their sycophants are turned into alpo .
Raven I see your point and maybe you’re right, but I think that through major spiritual transformations, major psychological reevaluations, etc. it is possible to actually lose the desire to self-medicate with one’s vice of choice, and for someone as extreme as me a major change like that seems to be the only way to ensure lasting improvements.
trust me,, i have no desire to self medicate ever again.

i have put to many people thru to much hell because of it.
an the end result has cost me more than i ever thought it would.
no matter what,I WILL NEVER DRINK AGAIN!!!!

its been about 62 hours since the last drink i will ever take. im shaky, i have a headache from hell,heart palpitations,the shits,an im lucky if i sleep more than 2 hours a night.
but i deserve every bit of it,and it will always be a constant reminder of why i can never drink again.

oh an i found my"sobriety song."

lemme find it.

I’m gonna change my ways of ‘doin things around here
I’m turning over a new leaf ,gonna get my self in gear
‘Cause I’ve got a women whos better then most,
and I’ve made a mess of her plans
Starting today ,all I’m gonna be is her man

‘Cause I’ve been a wild catter, and a go-go getter
Been an S.O.B. right down to the letter
I’ve had misadventures, I’ve even got pictures
I’m even more than I can stand
But startin` today, all I’m gonna be is her man

I’m gonna give it all back, cause all I’ve done is take
Well I’ve put her on the back burner while I was out on the make
But I’ve got a woman who’s good enough to give me
A second chance again (please gimme another chance)
And startin` today, all I’m gonna be is her man

‘Cause I’ve been a wild catter, and a go-go getter
Been an S.O.B. right down to the letter
I’ve had misadventures, I’ve even got pictures

I’m even more than I can stand
But startin` today, all I’m gonna be is her man

I’m a little bit late but I’m wisin` up
Now I’m takin` her by the hand
And startin` today, all I’m gonna be is her man
Keep on keepin on. You got some good motivation working for you. I’m proud of ya. Damn, once you’re all sobered up and all you gotta come up to Canada so I can take a look at the new you. (Or the once was you?)
i lasated untill 4 this afternoon unmedicated . i exibited symtoms of a stark and horribly painfull nature , and was lucky enuff to medicate myself…….ood luck hippy , im surprised your feeling as good as you do . even to be able to type n shit .
If you are going to sober up, do it for yourself above all. You are strong enough. You are a man. No one else need to help carry the burden of that decision.

I support your descision. I think it’s the right one. If I ever see you hanging around A-Camp someday…I’ll be sure to remind you of this post.

Most importantly though (even though you kicked me off FeelFree…) I love you sober or not. Preferably sober though.

jon

Ah man, perfect song You’re well on your way man! I’m sending good vibes your way
hey hillybilly, i was just signing on here on way to seek your wisdom,,

i am sittin here at home hearing the news talk about babylon, and more and more of the same ol crap. mystified and lieful

im a little bewildered ,
knowing damn well it’s time for change, prayer, standing up and bringing into life what i know deserves to be manifested…

saw your post on my way to message ya, right when i signed on, and brother, allll my love and all my soul in the stars for you and with you during this time,

love and light my friend, eternally, and strength
how you feeling now brother?

im willing to bet hippies too sick to even sit at the puter and have a converstation…..hell , i may be in the same or a similar boat in a couple days …..
wrong,, i been doin fine.. 7th day. its done,, im from now on officially sober.
other than missin dilli,, im jing diggetty, shoulda done this long ago…
Hey hillybilly It’s Tex…………………… I just left there about 2 weeks ago and Brother I can say after all I’ve been through lately I have met some of the most beautiful people I have ever met in my life right there on the feel free farm… I left Texas in search of something that I still havent found yet but what I did find was People in this world who cared enough about there fellow man that they offered up there home to Me gave me a safe haven to stay, poking the hell out of Smot and being free to figure out what it was I was really searching for…… I can say that Milwaukees Best is another of the liquid killers that I’ve seen too many times kill families and destroy many beautiful things…. I pray for ya and wish you the best in this search and hope u find that one lady I know you truly Love…… But the one thing you have to realize bro is u cant do this for her u have to do it for yourself and u have to completeley understand why ur doing it… You have seen what it does and you have seen what you lose from this first hand and now is the time to decide is it worth it or is what you had more important….. You only have one chance to dance cause one day your legs wont bounce the same……………………………. Love you brother TEX i cant remember my login to hip forums i think its Pot_Man but idk Peace Pot and a Microdot O and Ill see ya soon man Measa hasnt showed back up yet out at tonys so im headed back to texas to pick big dung lovers I hope that when i come back through there that you are still there cause i wanna go up to the cabin and see that lil woodstock foam man again……………. Love Ya Always Bro
hey brother its the pumkin man. me and tex are here at my moms in ohio. brother measa hasnt come back yet he was supposed to be back wendsday according to the message he left on the machine that was almost a week ago. but we all know thats how he is sometimes.

I know the pain you are going through both physicly and emotionaly. I have battled with alcholism all my adult life and i often loose the battle. It has cost me jobs, family, my presssure washing buisness, my home, friends, all my possesions and the list goes on like that untill i find myself halfway through another bottle. your over the first hurdle, a big one, but there are many more to go. The hurdles will get easier the longer you go but this is where they through in a hurdle that dosnt quite seem like a hurdle. its the hurdle of the false sense of security it sneeks up on you usualy around 90 days of sobriety or so has always been the case for me. Your doin great and some friends are over or whatever and ya think well one beer i mean what could it hurt right ive beat this thing… WRONG… Its always there every day no matter how good you think you are doing it lures you cause you have that one beer and quit and ya say see i did it. then next week end you prove it again. and so on and so on utill your right back where ya started. I know you are a strong person and can do this. but tex is right you have to do it for you.

well on to cheerier things. since staying on the farm i have been inspired to possible never live indoors again. we have 21 acres here and i’ve been in tent ever since i got back short of a few agonizing nights spent in town to take care of the aftermath of the demise of hippie house (may ir rest in peace)
Next month a friend and i are going to do small portion of the AT for a month for some practice. I have been doing some short hikes here as well. I want brother measa to come with us but as he is still M.I.A we will just hope he gets here before then. So i may see you again next march if you would be intrested in givin a hiker a ride to springer.

ill pm you with my number here at the house if ya need someone talk to i found just calling somebody for a few minutes helped me to get by the times i was just sittin aroud wantin a drink kinda takes your mind off it ya know.

all my love and support goes out to you brother and if ya can find it under all that hair keep your chin up.

lovin you

the pumkin man
i aint goin nowhere,..
an i am doin this for myself,, if theres one thing gettin sober has shown me,, its how blind alcohol can make you..

trust me,, i will never drink again,, not even a sip.

love n light
bro glad I caught ya sending you somthing exspress tommorow morning hang in there you can do it, kick King Alcohols ass.
As you often pointed out to various of us over the last few years–"actions speak louder than words".Nothing truer can be said about making amends after alchohol has done it’s damage.It has to be seen -not heard.You can do ‘er boy.Hang in.
YOU CAN DO IT!!!!!!!!!!!!

maybe not me, but…….

YOU CAN
You’re doin’ a great job, Hillbilly…and I know you’ll keep up the good work..hope you get to communicate with Dilli soon! I’ll be thinking of you, and sending you good vibes…
Hang in there ol boy………you’re doing great!!
~love and light
Good job. Sometimes we have to lose something or get the threat of losing something to wake the fuck up. I wish you much peace, love and light. I know you are doing well and will think positively about a reunion for the two of you if that is what is wanted by all parties. Sorry you are going through this but am so proud to see you step up to the plate and do that which is best for all concerned and your spirit. Peace within and without brother.
saying good by to alcohol was easy, livin without dilli is the hard thing.

thanks all for your support . it means a lot to me,.

love n light
Hang tough, get tough. You can make it bro.
Love n Light
Farmout
blu raven,
thank you for the book.
has really helped me understand a lot of my thoughts an feelings, as well as what dilli is dealing with.
has really been a big help.
bless you.

today is my 14th day.
im doin great.
thank you all for your support.
love n light
Hope you’re still maintaining. We’re going to Columbus to visit my mom the weekend of the 27th. Perhaps we’ll stop by on the way back.
im still doin well.
dilli is still on sabbatical but me an a couple family folks is here, so if yall wanna your welcome.
love n light
HHB, this May 2nd will be a dark anniversary for me. Ten years ago that day a close lady friend of mine died from cirrhosis of the liver. She couldn’t quit drinking even after doctors told her she needed to. She was only 35.

Rise above it man. Finding what you need in life to be happy is difficult enough without losing it and having to start over. You’re better than that.
HH, I did’nt see your post till friday mornining at 8:30 at 10:30
I had some hard stuff to do, your reply gave me a needed boost I thank you, and wish you both well. My legs came back, which reminds me to think of the bad times, rather than the good times with my old pal Mr. Booze. Helps me stay away from him.
Much love and luck to you…remember, you have to turn on the light now to make the future bright.
everythings GREAT ,, ..
made aWORLD WIND trip to ohio over the weekend,1100 miles in 28 hours,counting a 8 hour layover., an mamma is back home!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

lovin all yall.
thanks for everything!!!!

love n light
Great to hear man I’m really happy for you, sounds like this is a special time for you and your loved ones… keep it up brother!
made my day to hear the good news ,i know you love her dearly
~love and light to ya brother, your doing great!! congrats on getting the love of your life back!!
YAY. Another chance. To do things differently. Better. Sometimes ya have to lose everything to figure out where your priorities really are. Congratulations on having the opportunity!
Oh rock on….I don’t expect to see a post for a few days as you guys make up
I am pulling for you both and you seem to be doing the work that is necessary…
*grins from ear to ear*
I wish you the best and remember I love you both.

Peace
hey my dear brother and occasional sparring partner,
I’m hoping the two-day absence is because you are working out the love with Dilli.
I’ve not been a slave to booze, but I’ve had a needle in my arm, so I definitely know the black valley, and how it can return.
I’d say we live beyond the cravings, y’know? they are there, but think of them as tax men: something you don’t want to tangle with. Most days they are whitenoise, so I can say that time of my life (gone 20 years now) is past.
my prayers and energy are yours for this battle.
loving you for real,
dm
Alcohol has the potential to destroy any human. Nothing to mess with. It should be up there with heroin and crystal meth as far as reputation goes, but it’s considered okay by our society because it’s an American institution and it’s profitable for many people.

I was a heavy drinker in the last year and now I’m watching myself very carefully with my drinking. It’s a matter of priorities, and for me those good (really good!) feelings that last a few hours don’t outweigh the health risks (brain damage, stress on your body’s system and many of your organs) and difficulty with relationships that alcohol creates.

You need to think long and hard about all the things you have in your life, and how alcohol can take them away from you and realize for yourself why it’s unnecessary in your life. YOU DON’T NEED IT. You only think you do.

Get your priorities straight and you will soon be able to boot it out of your life.
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Hey dude, kudos on your decision! Alcohol messed up my closest friend, and I detest it so much. It’s always good to hear people leaving that vice behind.

Rock on, and lots of peace and love from Buffalo!
I’m so very proud of you! Remember that you are beautiful and that we are here for you every step of the way.
We love you!

shine on
hillbilly i love you, been thinkin about you lately, ~ peace
lovin you to brother.
everythings goin well here. biggest adjustment has been workin alone,. havin to put in more hours,but its all good.dilli has got everything here in ship shape,so its a fair trade.

love n light
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Congratulations. You, my friend, are a real man. I’m impressed. Good fucking job!
I"LL TELL YOU WHAT DILLYS PROBABLY LUVVVVVVIN NOT WORKING NOW!!! love and happiness , i hear it now.. love and happiness~~~
oh shes workin,, just aint in the real world.
you should see the gardens an greenhouse. not to mention everything else.
oh hey you should see the pig..

hey,, hows this for proof of not drinkin,, its 5 in the mornin on a saturday an were up an fixin to go to town,,..

hehehehehe,, definetly not on rainbow time anymore.

love n light
hey now gettin up bright and early, i imagine, was part of a relaxin ol farm every now and again,,,,,, even if those now and agains are few and far between :p, ..

oh man, rememberin’ elijay like it wasjust yesterday
the beautiful woods and the mountains and.. that bit of land that i was dreamin on planting seeds in , yah world peace and environment all out on a farm, .. like it was yesterday
that’s awesome dilli’s workin the land anyone else out on the land with yall right now? just wonderin, cuz man… damnd if i dont think of the feel free farm every now and again

not like my town at all, ellijay was a dream ,, been dreamin..

yall got a pig now? sara still got that rat?
That it will be hard Bro, I got almost three years sober now, Wow- seeing it in writing - 3 YEARS! and if I can do it, so can you , pm me too for my # Man, I’m in the woodstock, NY area till next week, then I’ll be on the bus at pretty much every festy this summer, come on by have some coffee- I make GOOD coffee.
Just remember that it is a day by day thing at first, then eventually, you won’t think about it for TWO days, and so on…………..
-Joe